my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
It's blow job season.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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