Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
