so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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