quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
