is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
So vagazzling was a success
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I came so hard my ears popped.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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