he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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