peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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