I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
