Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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