They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
