Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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