I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
