long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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