I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Also, beer. Big fan.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize