I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
