I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
