the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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