And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
