when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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