I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
