He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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