it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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