ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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