That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
