i just wanna soil my oats bro
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
