K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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