I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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