just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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