If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
