I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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