omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize