perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
