coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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