at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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