It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
