His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
We need to get me chipped asap
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
