i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
