just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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