you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
