The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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