i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Randomize
