Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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