Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
