Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
