I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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