I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Please, let me fuck your mom
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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