So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
its not stalking. its research.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
