Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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