Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
