She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
