I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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