Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
