He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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