if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
