in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
