i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
