my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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