the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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