Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
