we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
