My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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