i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
