So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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