What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
