Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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