At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize