im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
nutella sex= disaster
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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