I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
