Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Found the puke drawer
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
