I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
