I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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